Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
