You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
