And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
