if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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