Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
