Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
