They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you made out with another girl for some wings
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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