her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize