guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
