and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
