don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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