i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
