We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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