At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
