My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
