how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
