Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
