we have pet lesbian snakes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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