One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
