life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
