oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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