I am in a vortex of obligation.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
