he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
