Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
