you mean i was at the winter classic?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
