So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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