I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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