Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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