btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
