Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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