I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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