Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
