Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
