he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
