dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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