he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
