did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
