I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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