We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
