HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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