OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
