You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize