So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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