You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
