y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
