I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
