Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
