I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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