i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
