I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
