I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
