Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
