Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
