I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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