Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
