I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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