Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
