I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
