After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This is my gift to your gina
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
