I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
