i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
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