; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
