i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
