He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
