I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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