Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
