Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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