i need an iv and a liver transplant
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize